Seize The Fish (Ian Heydon, Australia 2023) is a short comic piece included in the Focus on Ability International Short Film Festival. With a sharp, adult sense of humour, it explores ideas of perception and viewpoint while nodding to influencer culture. The film looks at individual experience and physical disability, including the use of a wheelchair, and asks viewers to reconsider how they see someone’s presence online and offline. Playful yet thoughtful, it fits the festival’s aim to highlight the abilities and achievements of people with disability. Expect a brief, entertaining work that balances laughs with moments that prompt reflection.
Ian? Yep, come in, come in. Phoebe Dawson, thanks for agreeing to see me at such short notice. Don't get up. Short notice? It must have been all of ten minutes. Eight. We like to strike before the iron can rust. And who do you work for again? Under the Influence. We're agents for celebrities and influencers. The team tells me you're MS-ing the industry. Agents for celebrities and influencers. The team tells me your MS-ing about YouTube channel has gone mega-viral. Or as they say, gone off like a frog in a sock. Who exactly says that? Me, clearly. I'm just amazed that so many people want to see the funny side of MS. The algorithms don't lie, Ian. It's an algorithm avalanche. Or as we say, an angolanche. Our tech heads have crunched the analytics and you have the perfect B2B, B2C model. Beta keratin. Business to business and business to consumer. It's all in the smarketing. Smarketing. Sales and marketing, Ian. You have the perfectly vertically integrated S&S framework. S&S? Sponsorship and subscription. You could be worth a squillion. Squillion. Or thereabouts. And you get 60% ROI. ROI. Return on investment. And you get 40% commission. It's better than you getting 100% SFA. SFA. Sweet faffle. Right, but what exactly do you do? Perform miracles, Ian. Remember the honeymoon couple from Milwaukee and Cairns? He got eaten by a croc. Yeah. Got the bride two and a half million for the story. Wow. That much for just ignoring the tourist warning sign. Exactly. We seek out the big fish, Ian. It's our company motto. Carpe Carp. Seize the fish. But where's the money in me? I told you. Algorithms. They don't lie. Now, what's this video about? It's about 40 seconds. Some people with MS suffer short-term memory loss. And that stops us reading books. So I have written a one-page book and I've called it a bridge classics. Once upon a time, it was the best of times at the worst of times. And the brothers Karamazov decided that in the beginning was the word. And that word was Catch-22. Now, Long John Silver, the old man in the sea, and Moby Dick went in search of the great white shark off Amity Island where Jay Gatsby had a mansion called Hogwarts. Some animals are more equal than others, said the Lord of the Rings to the Lord of the Flies. Like Black Beauty, or Lassie, or Ratty, or Mole, or that poor bloody mockingbird that was killed. Then, the catcher in the rye, without pride or prejudice, flew over the cooker's nest and they all lived happily ever after. You've got no idea, have you, Ian? But I can work with it. Work with what? Image. You need designer clothing, accessories. What other MS-related topics can you cover? Mobility issues. I don't mind being pushed around. I can work with that. Wheelchairs, walkers, canes. Anything else? Travel with a disability. Oh, good, good. Airlines, accommodation, cruises, even out of space. Out of space? You're not a big thinker, are you, Ian? Elon Musk may be an idiot, but he's got deep pockets. And? Incontinence. Can you work with that? Depends. On what? It's a brand of men's incontinence for Lopundy's, Ian. I wonder how many colours they come in? Erectile dysfunction. Some people with MS walk with a limp, others can sit and lie with a limp. Limp what? Exactly. Anything else I can work with? Well, we get to meet new people all the time. How does it help you meet new people? Memory loss, Tracy. The name's Phoebe, but whatevs. Got anything funny? Vision loss. Wrote a character. He memorises the Snellen Eye chart so he can get his driver's licence. The sixth line is D-E-F-P-O-T-E-K, deaf protect. And you know how I can remember that? No. I slept with her in Poland. You were right. There's nothing funny about MS. See you. Time is money. Right now, Ian, I'm stirring down the barrel of an overdraft. Hey, what about cap a cap, seize the fish? Guess it got away, Ian. That means I'm off the hook. Bye! Oh, phev. You
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